All I need is love

Understanding the pain you can feel being a 40 years old male who never had any relationship with a girl is more difficult that I would imagine when I started this blog few months ago.

I came to this realisation reading the comments left by my readers, here and on some other web forums I participate. Often people misunderstand the problem thinking that sex is the issue. Sometimes they would suggest me to go out and get a prostitute. Indeed, one could think that for a 40 years old male, being still virgin would be the main problem in his life. It's not. Sex is definitively not the issue. Sure, I have to be honest here, sex is important and I would like to experiment that in my life. But I'm not gonna to get a prostitute. Because I don't care. What I miss the most is not sex. It's love.

It can sound pretty naive, but it's not. I mean, do you think one can live a whole life without receive and give any love? Nobody can. Believe it or not you can live without sex, but without love you can't.

I do not consider that my pain is in any way superior to the other's. There are people forced do live with serious diseases, or being unable to see, to walk, etc. There are people who are starving. I'm in goot health, I have a good job and earn enough money to have a decent life and even more. However, because of my forced celibacy, my life is a hell. You know, being able to say : "never in my life, nobody felt any love for me" is one of the worst things it can happen to a human being.

You can think that a involuntary celibacy such as mine is really nothing in comparaison to other situations some people are forced to live trough. Actually as I already said, my pain is not superior to the other's. But is not inferior either. Simply because there is no hierarchy between pains. A pain is something what hurts you, and nobody else. And sometimes it hurts very bad.

Have you ever feel a really strong pain in a teeth? Do you remember how you felt then, how insignificant your other problems seemed to be then? Ok, you get the point here. That is what I mean when I said there is no hierarchy between pains.

However, note that suffering of the lack of receiving love is not an egoistic thing, for I also suffer to have nobody to love. Being loved is essential in the life, but having someone to love is also important.

There is friendship also, which is a kind of love. I have fiends, males and females, I love them and they love me in return, that's ok. But this is not the same love.

I felt in love already, four or five times in my life, I know what you feel when you are in love with someone. What I don't know is what you feel when someone is in love with you. I would like to know, just once in my life, what it does when there is a heart beating for you. It never happened. Everything indicates that this would never occur.

And, you know what is worst that never have been loved in your life? To know that never nobody will.

Fucking life.

Good night, and good luck.